I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
