Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
