She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
