Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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