I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
