I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
