I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
