Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
40s are totally the cure
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
