I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
