i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
