i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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