My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
