life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Randomize
