it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
