and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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