forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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