I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The struggles of a small town man whore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
