is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
even my farts smell like vagina
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
