I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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