I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
