You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
