Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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