I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
