then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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