I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He passed out mid-signature
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
