First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
