she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
