hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
