I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am available for nakedness
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
