You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
