Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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