I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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