Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
