how can u be prego again
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
