Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
