He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
