Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
