So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
