Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
