Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize