Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
