Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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