The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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