my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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