i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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