Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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