if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
