Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
