So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
