I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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