Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
