a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I need help removing her.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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