just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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