while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
