can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize