that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
