So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize