I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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