Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
