Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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