in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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