You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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