saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
