Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
