drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
