Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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