Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
