how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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