No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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