Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
