I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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