you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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