what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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