Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
