bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you would pick up someone in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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