love makes seman taste better
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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