Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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