she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
