I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
