with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
