Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize