answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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