First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
